The Divergence

My oldest son is at an interesting point in his growth.  He "graduated" from elementary school this June and now gets ready to enter junior high.  I know there are a lot of different set ups across the country, but in my kids school district, elementary school is kindergarten through 6th grade, junior high is 7th through 9th, and high school is 10th through 12th.

My son is 12 and I'm so proud of the young man he's becoming.  He's always been a sweet hearted kid, and this has blossomed into a polite, intelligent, friendly, fun loving tween.  When his "graduation" ceremony took place, when a kid would walk across the stage to get their "diploma," they would put up all of the school photos for each child from K-6th.  My son was in the half of the kids who had 7 total pictures on display as he has always gone to the same school, watching as kids moved or open enrolled away, and new kids did the opposite into the district.

What caught me off guard was the kids who at one point or another, primarily from 1st to 3rd grades, were one of my son's better friends, but who I couldn't remember the last time my son hung out with them.  There were a few where their name being called was a reminder they were still in the same school.  It was funny but the kids he didn't play with anymore all had some similar traits; they were very loud, at times obnoxious, and starting to make bad choices, something they did back when they were younger but there is a 'cuteness' difference between a 7 year old and a 12 year old making bad choices.

As I look at my son's friends today, many of them have similar traits as well.  Quieter, more polite, more artsy.  They play sports, but none of them have an over-the-top parent who can't seem to 'turn it off,' a trait usually handed over to the kids of those aggressive parents.  They are not social pariahs, and they all love traditional 12 year old boy stuff, video games, baseball cards, goofing off, but there are some things they do and like that don't fit into the traditional mold.  For a lack of better way to say it, it's almost like you can see the kids naturally separate into the hunters and the hunted, most of my kids friends falling into the later category.  This is not only something I see at his school, but also in other activities away from school.  This just seems to be the age of the divergence; from everyone begin friends to a more segmented culture.

My boy isn't meek and will stand up for himself.  He has always had a near Seinfeld quality about him.  When someone goes to tease or make fun of him, he kind of looks at them, says "good luck with that," and walks away.  A lot of times you can see the anger, frustration and jealousy rising off of the other kid.  There is a palatable underlying message to the kids who over the last few years have discovered picking on others; "you're happy, I'm not and I don't like it."

I don't think my son will be bullied like some kids are today, relentless until the kid ends up in serious counseling or dead.  I think we are all fools if we don't expect some level of teasing to happen in your child's life.  It's how your child deals with that teasing which will determine how much of it they get. It's not about popping another kid in the nose, but rather the indifferent technique which really leads to the bullies leaving them alone.  If they can't get to you, they will target someone else.  I do understand this doesn't always work, but I have already told my son, you really get only one chance to throw the right cross, make sure it's when you have no other option, and make sure you connect.

We are, hopefully, a few years from the point where the heavy duty teasing will really ramp up in school.  I'm probably fooling myself on that one, as the older kids in junior high are salivating at the chance to figure out which fresh meat they can torment.  When my son is presented with a scenario where one of his best friends from 2nd grade is beating mentally or physically on one of his best friends from 4th grade, I'll do everything in my power to make sure he takes the right side and stands up for someone being picked on.

Today, on a hot summer day, we were at my community's local summer festival parade.  One of my son's friends from school showed up with two other kids, both of whom had started down the wrong path earlier last year.  My son's friend was talkative and buddied up to my son, but then quickly took off with his new friends.  I have been wondering ever since if that was one of the last times they will talk as friends, at least until much later in life.  Was that the last time they hang out together, even for just a few minutes, before the fork in the road overtakes them and the path of their lives begins without the other in it.