I've spent a good chuck of the last three days in my basement, avoiding the world, as I digest the funeral. It was a nice funeral, with an abundance of flowers, a nice priest and a pretty good turnout. It then went to the cemetery, while my sister in law's friend and I moved all of the flowers and memorabilia to the reception hall, where we dined on an extremely tasty lunch from a local Italian restaurant. The tortallini was exceptional, praise this east coast, Italian and Portuguese Rhode Island raised boy does not bestow willy nilly.
Afterwards, we went to the hotel, where the family was staying, and had desserts. By the time we were all done on Saturday, my entire family was exhausted. I ended up sleeping nearly 12 hours. On Sunday, we had a nice lunch with remaining family in town, but we're now moving on. The emptiness and the loss present; the purpose gone.
I've been listening to some great albums I've not heard in a long time. Creedence Clearwater Revival is part of that playlist. I find when I'm lost, I turn to my music. embracing the friend I can always depend on.
One thing I'm having a hard time moving past is the close family members who did not show, namely two siblings and his ex. I understand the frustration they might've had while on this mortal coil, but to not even find enough of a memory to go to the funeral of someone you endured a large portion of your life with...inexcusable.
He would have loved the party. I hope he was able to get a good view from where ever he is.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Friday, August 14, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Death in the Family
I am sad. My wife's father, a man who'd been a father to me, died on Friday and I've been emotionally wrecked all week.
He went out about as good as one could, under the circumstances. His cancer had ravaged him, but even back in May he was still fairly active. He went the homeopathic route when diagnosed seven years ago, dramatically changing his diet and intake. You can't deny it did wonders. The problem was, in the final year, he kept looking for a homeopathic life extender. Thinking he was going to go to the desert and find a cactus plant or dirt mound which would cure him was nothing more than wishful thinking, but even I can't argue the thought there might be something to keep him going longer, kept him strong until the end. Back in June, I think he finally accepted reality.
He will be cremated, and buried on Saturday. This is my first time directly dealing with death, where I've had to help with the after planning.
Make sure you talk to your loved ones about it all. I know it's uncomfortable, but please do. Talk about the will, the power of attorney, the living will, a trust, and anything else which might be applicable. Talk about who you want to get what after you pass and make sure you understand the laws in your state on what happens to inheritance. Arizona, where my grandmother died, is a scheme, designed to get every bit of money out of the deceased and their family. No matter what you got, they will get it from you in AZ.
Make sure you say your goodbyes. Vern died with his daughters around him. They had been around him for the last few months and each one had had the opportunity to talk to him, tell him they loved him and said what needed to be said.
Life is short...undeniably brief. We, if lucky, inherit this planet for little more than 3/4ths of a century. Cherish it, and never let something go unsaid or unaddressed.
He went out about as good as one could, under the circumstances. His cancer had ravaged him, but even back in May he was still fairly active. He went the homeopathic route when diagnosed seven years ago, dramatically changing his diet and intake. You can't deny it did wonders. The problem was, in the final year, he kept looking for a homeopathic life extender. Thinking he was going to go to the desert and find a cactus plant or dirt mound which would cure him was nothing more than wishful thinking, but even I can't argue the thought there might be something to keep him going longer, kept him strong until the end. Back in June, I think he finally accepted reality.
He will be cremated, and buried on Saturday. This is my first time directly dealing with death, where I've had to help with the after planning.
Make sure you talk to your loved ones about it all. I know it's uncomfortable, but please do. Talk about the will, the power of attorney, the living will, a trust, and anything else which might be applicable. Talk about who you want to get what after you pass and make sure you understand the laws in your state on what happens to inheritance. Arizona, where my grandmother died, is a scheme, designed to get every bit of money out of the deceased and their family. No matter what you got, they will get it from you in AZ.
Make sure you say your goodbyes. Vern died with his daughters around him. They had been around him for the last few months and each one had had the opportunity to talk to him, tell him they loved him and said what needed to be said.
Life is short...undeniably brief. We, if lucky, inherit this planet for little more than 3/4ths of a century. Cherish it, and never let something go unsaid or unaddressed.
Friday, August 7, 2015
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Death
I have been dealing with the death of my father in law. Vern is a great man. Wisconsin, Catholic farm boy, 2nd oldest of (I think) 14. He is a man with such patience and temperance. He has cancer. It's bad. Even if there was any hope of a cure, which there isn't, he made the decision to forgo the chemo and radiation route. Vern is withering away.
He is skeletal and becoming more and more unresponsive. The skeletonization has taken place in the last two weeks. The unresponsiveness is new today. He will die, likely this weekend.
I will miss him.
Tonight, I was getting ready to leave and my youngest daughter went up and sat next to him and put her tiny hand on top of his. Ever since, I've been having a hard time not crying.
It feels like we live in a country that can do anything, yet, for some reason, we don't. We wanted to cure polio, and we made it happen. We wanted to tear up an incredible amount of the United States and build an interstate road system, and we did that. We wanted to send human beings to the moon and we figured out a way to do that.
Cancer has been killing people for years. It's not fair to loop cancer into one category as there are some seriously nefarious kids of cancer, far more toxic. In a country which spends copious amounts of money researching potato chip flavorings and erection pills, why haven't we found a cure yet?
He is skeletal and becoming more and more unresponsive. The skeletonization has taken place in the last two weeks. The unresponsiveness is new today. He will die, likely this weekend.
I will miss him.
Tonight, I was getting ready to leave and my youngest daughter went up and sat next to him and put her tiny hand on top of his. Ever since, I've been having a hard time not crying.
It feels like we live in a country that can do anything, yet, for some reason, we don't. We wanted to cure polio, and we made it happen. We wanted to tear up an incredible amount of the United States and build an interstate road system, and we did that. We wanted to send human beings to the moon and we figured out a way to do that.
Cancer has been killing people for years. It's not fair to loop cancer into one category as there are some seriously nefarious kids of cancer, far more toxic. In a country which spends copious amounts of money researching potato chip flavorings and erection pills, why haven't we found a cure yet?
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Eighteen months
A year and a half has gone by and I'm still sober. I still have days where I'm angry about how far I'd fallen. It's also hard to hear stories of moms, with kids in the car, being arrested for DWI at 9:30 AM. I feel like I dodged a bullet.
Some good news for you. If you give up drinking, you can really eat a lot of crap food you'd usually avoid. Because you're not drinking a thousand calories a day, you get to open up your eating horizons. Bonus.
On a completely different note, what the heck is Lays seasoning their potato chips with to get them taste like biscuits and gravy? Or a gyro?
Some good news for you. If you give up drinking, you can really eat a lot of crap food you'd usually avoid. Because you're not drinking a thousand calories a day, you get to open up your eating horizons. Bonus.
On a completely different note, what the heck is Lays seasoning their potato chips with to get them taste like biscuits and gravy? Or a gyro?
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Back after vacation. The week has not even slowed down. Sigh... I know I featured her a few weeks ago, but she is fun! Tripped and fell i...
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I went to a $500 steak house! I was sat next to a bunch of loud, swearing Canadians. The steak was delicious.
