Today marks the year anniversary of my quitting drinking, hopefully the first of many. YEA!
I am happy, but I don't feel like celebrating. This was me just getting back to who I really am. I'll celebrate at my five year anniversary, God willing.
I do take communion wine at church. Not a lot. Funny thing is I freak out if I feel like I've taken too much (usually just a glorified sip). I don't want to get to the point where I'm knocking back the entire challis of the 'blood of Christ.' My counselor thinks it's okay to have wine as part of a religious service.
What has gotten me through this?
First friends and family. I've only let a handful know what was going on and they have been wonderful.
A trifecta of exercise, personal faith and counseling.
Realizing what a different person I had become and never wanting to revisit it.
What are some of the differences?
I am clearly healthier. My blood pressure is back down to normal, I can breath again, I have a lot more energy and my liver and kidneys have got to be doing gratitude back flips.
It took about 8 months, but the residual effects of the drinking, feeling like I was recovering from a hangover, have disappeared. After the first month, it was never constant, but it took another seven moths to get that completely out of my system.
I've lost a lot of weight.
I'm not slurring my speech nearly as much as I used to. I also am not drunk sleeping hard like I used to.
My dreams have returned. Since it was gradual, I didn't know how muted my dreams had become. They are very vibrant now, the difference of looking at a old black and white TV from the 50's to a high def one today.
My mind is working a lot better. I'm not forgetting things like I used to, my deductive reasoning is as sharp as ever and I'm able to analyze much quicker and more effectively.
My emotions are re-balanced. It's no longer happy 95% of the time and angry 5%. It's more even keeled, and more diverse.
My kids are a lot happier. My wife is a lot happier. I am a lot happier.
I am terrified of falling back into the drink, but that fear has been a good fuel to keep me on the straight and narrow, so let me embrace it and hope my fear will prevent me from making a bad choice. Most people didn't realize I was a drunk because it gradually got worse and worse, going under the radar for many years. Today, if I were to resume on my drinking of old, you'd immediately realize something was wrong with me.
I never want to go back, but I still occasionally crave the whiskey. That's f-ed up, but it is my life I've made for myself and it'll be the one I live, sober.
Thanks for reading these posts the last few months. I've said before and I'll say again, this has been a wonderful outlet and I really appreciate it. Thank you.
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