The Neighbor

I was going to write something about drinking today, something with exquisite insight into the soul and psyche of the modern drinker, and an amazing observation about the social narrative in regards to alcohol, but...

I got a call from my neighbor around noon today.  She, her husband, their daughter and a dog moved in a little less than a year ago.  On outside appearances, they seemed nice enough.  The dad was not around a lot and more than a little standoffish, but they seemed okay.

They are getting divorced.  I saw her this morning loading some things into the car, but didn't think anything of it.  She and her daughter are going to move in with her mom.  The dad is abusing cocaine and marijuana, drinking to the point of blacking out every time he drinks, and it apparently was physically abusive to the daughter.  It sounds like there might have been some external pressure being placed on the situation from health workers who were expressing concern for the daughters well being, the final justification for her to make the move.

She said he had no interest in going to treatment or stopping his behavior.  He insists he doesn't have a problem.  From the sounds of it, the marriage is not going to be saved.  They are likely going to lose the house.  Safety protocols have been set up to protect the daughter, and his relationship with her will never be normal.  Hell, if he is abusing that many drugs, he'll have a hard enough time not barreling into harder and harder drugs, let alone getting sober.

Now I am only concerned about my wife and kids, making sure his addictions and rage don't send him out of control.

When I referenced my drinking and making a mistake that would affect my life and the lives of my kids, I didn't expect to get a prime example of just such a circumstance popping up next door to me the very next day.

One Year

Today marks an anniversary for me.  One year ago, November 13th, was the day I first removed alcohol from my life.

My issues were a longtime coming, but some personal losses and failures in late summer/early fall of last year led me to mute life in a breathtaking and dangerous fashion.

I didn't fully remove the alcohol until February 3rd of this year.  I found myself drinking around Christmas and once again in late January, but, outside of communion wine, I have not touched it since.  It was a decision I'm glad I made, and one I had needed to make.  I was getting to a scary place.  It was too much.  It was only a matter of time before I made a major mistake, a mistake which would have not only changed the trajectory of my life, but my kid's lives too.

I remember.  Doing a self detox was terrifying and fascinating.  It took me two days but I got past it.  I had a lot of support.  I'd let a few people know I was having a problem and I needed to rectify it, but in the end, I had to do this myself.  It was the only way I was going to succeed.

I did not go through AA.  I tried initially.  More later.

Today, my head works better, a lot more like it used to.  I am healthier, I have more money, I'm more productive, I'm happier and my kids are happier.

Over the next few weeks, from now until February 3rd, I am going to share some of the more interesting thoughts I've had about drinking, the culture of drinking, drinking in America, and observations from when someone decides to become alcohol free.

Let me begin by saying this, if you are like I was, knowing you are having a problem, knowing you are drinking too much, too often, but you're afraid to give it up, for whatever the reason, look in the mirror, acknowledge you need to change, and start taking the steps.  They have to be your steps, it has to be your path.  No one is pouring the liquor down your throat.  It's you who is doing it.  Don't fall back on Thanksgiving, Christmas, football games, New Years, the times when drinking is societal and cultural, as your excuse on why you don't quit.  Get help (I have a sensational counselor, Bob), and take those first steps.  I can tell you one thing, you'll never have success on a project you don't begin.

I feel better.

Rothko

Indoor Fun Time!

Alright you win. Happy?

Heat

i like my body when it is with your

body…. which i will

again and again and again

kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,

i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz

of your electric fur…

~ e.e. cummings

I let down my silken hair over my shoulders and open my thighs over my lover….Winter skies are cold and low, with harsh winds and freezing sleet. But when we make love beneath our quilt, we make three summer months of heat. ~ Tzu Yeh

Friday Music - The Staves

The hard working lighthouse, burning bright and hard, over an empty sea.

Natural Innuendo - Conservatory version