Mistakes

Mistakes

 

I walked out the backdoor of my apartment building

The old ancient small town movie theater

Long abandon

Recently reclaimed and renovated

Sunday, my one day off

I tried the local churches

But with small town gospel, fire and brimstone overpowered the message

My interface with God became a weekly walk into the countryside

Appreciating the world given to me.

 

I turn east

It was sunny but cold

More early April, not early June

I grew up by lakes and water

Things Iowa is not known for

There was a small creek with a walking path a mile away

I started down the subtle downhill

The late Spring flower’s scent

Heavy and held to the ground by cold dampness

Going past fields where early crops are beginning to burst from the soil

The promise of a fall harvest

Past the county fair grounds

In need of upkeep before the mid-summer festivities.

 

My downhill becomes steeper

I look ahead to the trees

There was a heavy fog right at the tree line, holding firm to the shade

Beyond, the creek and its cliff face, carved out of sandstone.

I had walked this path before

I crossed the line

Into the woods, into the fog

Three steps in, I could barely see ahead of me

And the sunshine behind became a dulled glow

The path turned to the right ahead

Taking you to a stairway and bridge to get across the creek

The east side bank was only a few feet above the water

The west side was a straight drop of at least fifty

 

I missed the turn in the fog

It was my left foot

There was no ground, only air

I was falling, twisting

Grabbing for anything

I saw the fog below, hiding what’s beneath

Cold, water, rock, pain

 

My right hand

Sweeping in a final attempt to stop my fate

Caught a small tree on the precipice

My left reached for a handhold

I was dangling

The overhang jutted out from firm land

The nearest foothold was five feet away, useless

Most of the glorified sapling’s roots were exposed underneath

I could feel it moving

It wasn’t ready for this kind of weight

It was going to lose

Panicking, my hands started to sweat

 

I took a few seconds

Breathe, three times

My only choice was to throw my leg over my head and pull myself up.

My current grip would not make that possible

I pulled myself up just enough

Got my right arm around the tree

It groaned and I heard a snap

Then a second and a third

I stopped

Expecting the tree, ledge and myself to be airborne any second.

I wasn’t breathing

 

Think

The longer I waited hoping the tree would not give way

The more likely the tree would give way.

I threw my left leg up to the cliff’s edge.

I missed.

Swinging my legs slightly

I built momentum

I threw the leg up and my heel stuck

I worked the rest of my leg over the edge

Using muscles rarely troubled,

My foot, calf, inner thigh, the ones running up my right side

I pulled myself up

CRACK!

I could feel the lip of earth moving

I hurriedly rolled up off the ledge watching

As the entire hang over fell from view

As it broke off a foot in front of me

Disappearing into the fog

Loud splash and harsh rock sounds followed

 

I sat

 

The fog started to lift

I was exhausted and trembling

I heard a rustling in the leaves

Turning, a beautiful doe

Was 20 feet away, watching me

She seemed curious

I did not move, just watched

She lost interest, foraged for a few bites and then walked away.

I got up and began my walk home

 

I have never felt closer to God.