And his Dang Jello Pudding Pops too!

Regardless of what you think of Bill Cosby, the comedy bits he did in the 80's and early 90's on parenting were so spot on.  Of course I am referring to a child's tendency, after they screw up and you point it out to them, to answer your question of why they did it with "I don't know."

Tonight we went to the local ballpark to watch some baseball.  Because my son was playing in a traveling team baseball tourney until 7, he was dropped off and joined us late.  My oldest daughter and I went down to greet him at the main entrance.  On the way to our seats, we stopped by and got dinner, which for him included a 2 pound, 16 inch hot dog covered in ketchup.  We went back to our seats, and I gave him his hot dog, fries and drink.  In the :30 seconds it took for me to turn to my daughter, giver her her food, and organize myself so I could enjoy my food, I turn to my son and see him coated with ketchup.  Both thighs of his baseball pants were covered, his hands were covered and  his face was covered.  I asked where were the napkins I told him to grab and he produces one napkin. That's all he grabbed, one napkin for the three of us.  I then ask why would he put so much ketchup on his hot dog and then proceed to eat it so messily.  Cosby!

After my son's Heinz bath, about an inning later, I noticed it was getting late in the game.  I mentioned maybe we should skip ice cream since we just ate and the game would soon be over.  My son insisted we get some because he was still hungry.  My daughter then spoke up insisting she get some too.  She is a light eater, finishing only half of her dinner, but that's normal.  Usually if she says she is hungry, I take her word for it.  I go get helmet sundaes for both of them, grabbing numerous napkins before returning to the seats.  The kids proceeded to eagerly eat the sundaes.  My son scoured the inside of the mini helmet clean while my daughter ate half and insisted she was done.  As the game ended an inning later, my daughter insisted we go to the bathroom immediately.  In the concourse on the way to the restrooms, she threw up.  She apparently threw up twice more in the bathroom.  I asked if she was coming down with an illness, and she bluntly said, "no I was full after dinner and I probably shouldn't have had any ice cream."  I then asked why she would ask for ice cream if she was full?  Cosby!!!

It's refreshing to know I am not the first, last or only parent to have to deal with this.  Thanks Bill.

Wishing Does

It started in youth,
Eternities roulette,
By the shores of Erie,
Where the lake's storms
Never subsided inside.

In the shadows
Of the gilded mansions,
Excess wasted, washed out,
Tempted eyes looking up the hill.
A keen sensitive girl
playing the fool to fools;
Thick, dense and never worthy.
Umbrage gushes...

Creativity abounds.
Exploration awaits.
And searching begins.
A friendly, vicious tryst;
You went into the deep end
And you thought you could swim.
A mature hand pats down the fires,
Picking you up,
Guiding you.

Opportunity.
Beauty spilled while searching;
Complacency in comfort.
Searching for a spark
And you find two.
Both open your eyes;
You search for your
Extinguished fire.

Wandering,
A discovery in discovery.
Delusional, past their prime,
Wolves looking for an easy meal.
You lead them to the feast...
Impressiveness less an option.
Lonely and misplaced,
You hold your sparks close.

Lines blur.
Formless color.
A pitch dark forest.
Unable to see the trees,
Or your own hands,
or the occasional path
To lead you free.
Panic, mildly frantic,
Even though the tools are there.

the House
the Rock
the Education
the Facade
the Stumbling
the Faltering

Hold your sparks tight.
Let them keep you warm.
You're Clever.
Find the tools...

This important message!

Happy New Year Everyone!  I hope 2014 is a great one for you.

Mistakes

Mistakes

 

I walked out the backdoor of my apartment building

The old ancient small town movie theater

Long abandon

Recently reclaimed and renovated

Sunday, my one day off

I tried the local churches

But with small town gospel, fire and brimstone overpowered the message

My interface with God became a weekly walk into the countryside

Appreciating the world given to me.

 

I turn east

It was sunny but cold

More early April, not early June

I grew up by lakes and water

Things Iowa is not known for

There was a small creek with a walking path a mile away

I started down the subtle downhill

The late Spring flower’s scent

Heavy and held to the ground by cold dampness

Going past fields where early crops are beginning to burst from the soil

The promise of a fall harvest

Past the county fair grounds

In need of upkeep before the mid-summer festivities.

 

My downhill becomes steeper

I look ahead to the trees

There was a heavy fog right at the tree line, holding firm to the shade

Beyond, the creek and its cliff face, carved out of sandstone.

I had walked this path before

I crossed the line

Into the woods, into the fog

Three steps in, I could barely see ahead of me

And the sunshine behind became a dulled glow

The path turned to the right ahead

Taking you to a stairway and bridge to get across the creek

The east side bank was only a few feet above the water

The west side was a straight drop of at least fifty

 

I missed the turn in the fog

It was my left foot

There was no ground, only air

I was falling, twisting

Grabbing for anything

I saw the fog below, hiding what’s beneath

Cold, water, rock, pain

 

My right hand

Sweeping in a final attempt to stop my fate

Caught a small tree on the precipice

My left reached for a handhold

I was dangling

The overhang jutted out from firm land

The nearest foothold was five feet away, useless

Most of the glorified sapling’s roots were exposed underneath

I could feel it moving

It wasn’t ready for this kind of weight

It was going to lose

Panicking, my hands started to sweat

 

I took a few seconds

Breathe, three times

My only choice was to throw my leg over my head and pull myself up.

My current grip would not make that possible

I pulled myself up just enough

Got my right arm around the tree

It groaned and I heard a snap

Then a second and a third

I stopped

Expecting the tree, ledge and myself to be airborne any second.

I wasn’t breathing

 

Think

The longer I waited hoping the tree would not give way

The more likely the tree would give way.

I threw my left leg up to the cliff’s edge.

I missed.

Swinging my legs slightly

I built momentum

I threw the leg up and my heel stuck

I worked the rest of my leg over the edge

Using muscles rarely troubled,

My foot, calf, inner thigh, the ones running up my right side

I pulled myself up

CRACK!

I could feel the lip of earth moving

I hurriedly rolled up off the ledge watching

As the entire hang over fell from view

As it broke off a foot in front of me

Disappearing into the fog

Loud splash and harsh rock sounds followed

 

I sat

 

The fog started to lift

I was exhausted and trembling

I heard a rustling in the leaves

Turning, a beautiful doe

Was 20 feet away, watching me

She seemed curious

I did not move, just watched

She lost interest, foraged for a few bites and then walked away.

I got up and began my walk home

 

I have never felt closer to God.

Boo!

Happy Halloween everyone!

August

The green of the leaves

The smell of the summer sweet grass

A high pitch hum from the crickets

An ice cold drink, droplets running down

Heat raining down on me

A warm breeze from the south

Kids splashing in the water, a cool lake

Walking the city streets

Flowers taking their rightful turn to blossom

Shorts and tank tops, running barefoot in the yard

Warm nights and cool mornings

The smell of a hot grill

Diving under to cool my self

A laziness, contagious

Jarring, and putting them on the shelf

Going to the park and climbing the biggest hill

Great downpours come without warnings

Oasis on the road, a canard

Raccoons, Foxes, Coyotes and Opossum

Teenage boy finding a girl to meet

The suns down earlier, later awake

Corn, Watermelon and Nectarines in the mouth

My sleeping awakened by a bee

Early morning walks through the town

The house, hushed flags flying, fence of pickets

A cooler wind, a hint of what’s coming to pass

It’s raining, staying dry under the eaves.

August

Breakfast sandwiches and evil

So last week I had all my kids in a camp for the morning. It just so happens lately I've been fascinated about an aspect of American culture that I was able to explore further with this childless mornings, sandwiches.

A few weeks back I realized for two days my meals had all been sandwiches. Think about that, many Americans only eat sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The amount of technology and innovation that has been spent on sandwich advancement is actually shocking, and the imagination by some to try to one up the next guy with their new sandwich creation is scary. I saw one show where they had a prime rib meal in sandwich form, something that clearly damaged the taste of everything stuffed between the two pieces of bread. The innovation and creativity that used to go to projects like NASA now goes to try to make a microwaveable bread that isn't a hockey puck.

Breakfast particularly has embraced the sandwich culture. I remember as a kid when McDonald's introduced breakfast sandwiches to much chagrin from the public. The people who suggested it to Ray Kroc in 1972 actually wrote "...a crazy idea — a breakfast sandwich." Today, it's rare to see any restaurant not feature a breakfast sandwich, and the lines in the morning drive-thrus at fast food restaurants is fairly deep. So my waistline be damned, here's what I found:

Monday - McDonald's - Egg McMuffin with sausage, hashbrown and large coffee.

This was the second best breakfast I had last week. McDonald's, regardless of the chemicals they use to achieve it, actually have food that tastes like it's supposed to. Muffin, egg, cheese, and sausage all had good flavor. Their hashbrowns are too greasy but the coffee they make is very tasty.

Tuesday - Burger King - Sausage egg and cheese muffin with hashbrowns and coffee.

Poor Burger King. At one point they were a unique chain that was giving McDonald's fits, but now all they seem to be is a cheap rip off of Mickey D's. This breakfast barely beat out being the worst of the week. Outside of the sausage, which didn't taste that good, there was no taste differential between the biscuit, egg or cheese. When you bit into the sandwich it became a glob in your mouth that took awhile to chew down to swallowable size. I asked for a large coffee and they also gave me a large hashbrown, their interpritation being a tater tot cut into thirds and deep fried to a point where it was crunchy grease. Their coffee is B-A-D bad.

Wednesday - Subway - An egg cheese and sausage sandwich with coffee.

The new kid on the breakfast sandwich block had the third best sandwich of the week, but they really were closer to Burger King than to McDonalds. It comes down to two problems. One, the bread which is the same bread they use for their lunch and dinner sandwiches. It doesn't taste bad but it's really dry when you don't have mustard, mayo, or something else to moisten it. The second, and most glaring, issue is since they don't have a grill, their egg and sausage was pre-cooked and re-warmed in the morning. I did like the inclusion of veggies. Their coffee was good.

Thursday - SuperAmerica Gas station - sausage egg and cheese biscuit, hashbrowns(!) and coffee

If you really want to see what I mean by all the money and innovation that has gone into sandwiches, go to any gas station. Millions of dollars have been spent to make a microwavable breakfast sandwich. The goal of all of this invention was not to make it taste real good, but rather make it taste just good enough so that you reconsider the drive to a fast food joint. This was the worst meal of the week and, as I watched others sit in their cars and eat their sandwiches with the gloom of a thousand rainy days, the most depressing. Nothing in the sandwich had any flavor differential and really became a hunk of doughy nothingness. The hashbrown was disturbing (and uneaten) and their coffee was thinned tar.

Friday - DBrian's - Sausage Egg and cheese sandwich with hashbrowns and coffee

Easily the best meal of the week. If you're not familiar with DBrian's, it's a chain that mainly caters to the business lunch crowd, but they also serve breakfast. It was a very tasty sandwich, which I watched the cook make with fresh ingredients (or what goes for fresh nowadays). The hashbrowns weren't deep fried but rather actual hashbrowns and their coffee was good.

Here's the sad part, for all of the innovation and creativity put out by these companies to make the sandwich better, it still will fall woefully behind the best sandwich a person can have, the one they make at home. I know some people will say I have no time to make breakfast, but I disagree. Try this, on Sunday when you have some extra time, take some good sausage you get from the store, form it into patties and fry it up. When done, freeze them. Then on your weekday, take two pieces of your favorite bread, toast and butter them. Take one of your sausage patties and rewarm it in the microwave. Whisk up an egg with a little salt, pepper, garlic powder and dill. Pour that into a frying pan that's been preheated and buttered and let it cook for three minutes, then flip it. Put a nice slice of your favorite cheese on the egg and a minute later put the egg and cheese on a slice of toast. Place your sausage on top, add some fresh tomato, onion, and basil, top with the other slice of toast and done. Brew some coffee and grab and orange and you'll be the envy of your neighbors and co-workers.

As far as innovation, the taste will trump anything you can get on the road, but some will tout the time and cost as it being better from a restaurant. Time wise, if you factor the time not just from the time you enter the drive thru, but rather the total time from the point where you turn of your normal work route to the time you get back on the route, it probably is around ten minutes. Yes, the sausage on Sunday will add some time, but the sandwich assembly will probably take you less than ten minutes. As far as cost, the sandwich I describe and the orange and the coffee would probably cost you two bucks, far cheaper than anywhere outside of home. Yes you have to clean up, but it shouldn't be more than a few dishes.

As far as a creativity comparison, one word, spices.

I don't encourage anyone to do what I did last week as my digestive system still hasn't fully recovered, but know this, we all have the ability to be innovative and creative, but it comes from yourself, not a fast food bag.