Breakfast sandwiches and evil

So last week I had all my kids in a camp for the morning. It just so happens lately I've been fascinated about an aspect of American culture that I was able to explore further with this childless mornings, sandwiches.

A few weeks back I realized for two days my meals had all been sandwiches. Think about that, many Americans only eat sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The amount of technology and innovation that has been spent on sandwich advancement is actually shocking, and the imagination by some to try to one up the next guy with their new sandwich creation is scary. I saw one show where they had a prime rib meal in sandwich form, something that clearly damaged the taste of everything stuffed between the two pieces of bread. The innovation and creativity that used to go to projects like NASA now goes to try to make a microwaveable bread that isn't a hockey puck.

Breakfast particularly has embraced the sandwich culture. I remember as a kid when McDonald's introduced breakfast sandwiches to much chagrin from the public. The people who suggested it to Ray Kroc in 1972 actually wrote "...a crazy idea — a breakfast sandwich." Today, it's rare to see any restaurant not feature a breakfast sandwich, and the lines in the morning drive-thrus at fast food restaurants is fairly deep. So my waistline be damned, here's what I found:

Monday - McDonald's - Egg McMuffin with sausage, hashbrown and large coffee.

This was the second best breakfast I had last week. McDonald's, regardless of the chemicals they use to achieve it, actually have food that tastes like it's supposed to. Muffin, egg, cheese, and sausage all had good flavor. Their hashbrowns are too greasy but the coffee they make is very tasty.

Tuesday - Burger King - Sausage egg and cheese muffin with hashbrowns and coffee.

Poor Burger King. At one point they were a unique chain that was giving McDonald's fits, but now all they seem to be is a cheap rip off of Mickey D's. This breakfast barely beat out being the worst of the week. Outside of the sausage, which didn't taste that good, there was no taste differential between the biscuit, egg or cheese. When you bit into the sandwich it became a glob in your mouth that took awhile to chew down to swallowable size. I asked for a large coffee and they also gave me a large hashbrown, their interpritation being a tater tot cut into thirds and deep fried to a point where it was crunchy grease. Their coffee is B-A-D bad.

Wednesday - Subway - An egg cheese and sausage sandwich with coffee.

The new kid on the breakfast sandwich block had the third best sandwich of the week, but they really were closer to Burger King than to McDonalds. It comes down to two problems. One, the bread which is the same bread they use for their lunch and dinner sandwiches. It doesn't taste bad but it's really dry when you don't have mustard, mayo, or something else to moisten it. The second, and most glaring, issue is since they don't have a grill, their egg and sausage was pre-cooked and re-warmed in the morning. I did like the inclusion of veggies. Their coffee was good.

Thursday - SuperAmerica Gas station - sausage egg and cheese biscuit, hashbrowns(!) and coffee

If you really want to see what I mean by all the money and innovation that has gone into sandwiches, go to any gas station. Millions of dollars have been spent to make a microwavable breakfast sandwich. The goal of all of this invention was not to make it taste real good, but rather make it taste just good enough so that you reconsider the drive to a fast food joint. This was the worst meal of the week and, as I watched others sit in their cars and eat their sandwiches with the gloom of a thousand rainy days, the most depressing. Nothing in the sandwich had any flavor differential and really became a hunk of doughy nothingness. The hashbrown was disturbing (and uneaten) and their coffee was thinned tar.

Friday - DBrian's - Sausage Egg and cheese sandwich with hashbrowns and coffee

Easily the best meal of the week. If you're not familiar with DBrian's, it's a chain that mainly caters to the business lunch crowd, but they also serve breakfast. It was a very tasty sandwich, which I watched the cook make with fresh ingredients (or what goes for fresh nowadays). The hashbrowns weren't deep fried but rather actual hashbrowns and their coffee was good.

Here's the sad part, for all of the innovation and creativity put out by these companies to make the sandwich better, it still will fall woefully behind the best sandwich a person can have, the one they make at home. I know some people will say I have no time to make breakfast, but I disagree. Try this, on Sunday when you have some extra time, take some good sausage you get from the store, form it into patties and fry it up. When done, freeze them. Then on your weekday, take two pieces of your favorite bread, toast and butter them. Take one of your sausage patties and rewarm it in the microwave. Whisk up an egg with a little salt, pepper, garlic powder and dill. Pour that into a frying pan that's been preheated and buttered and let it cook for three minutes, then flip it. Put a nice slice of your favorite cheese on the egg and a minute later put the egg and cheese on a slice of toast. Place your sausage on top, add some fresh tomato, onion, and basil, top with the other slice of toast and done. Brew some coffee and grab and orange and you'll be the envy of your neighbors and co-workers.

As far as innovation, the taste will trump anything you can get on the road, but some will tout the time and cost as it being better from a restaurant. Time wise, if you factor the time not just from the time you enter the drive thru, but rather the total time from the point where you turn of your normal work route to the time you get back on the route, it probably is around ten minutes. Yes, the sausage on Sunday will add some time, but the sandwich assembly will probably take you less than ten minutes. As far as cost, the sandwich I describe and the orange and the coffee would probably cost you two bucks, far cheaper than anywhere outside of home. Yes you have to clean up, but it shouldn't be more than a few dishes.

As far as a creativity comparison, one word, spices.

I don't encourage anyone to do what I did last week as my digestive system still hasn't fully recovered, but know this, we all have the ability to be innovative and creative, but it comes from yourself, not a fast food bag.

Cossetta's

If you're like me, and spent your high school days in Minnesota, you know about Cossetta's. For those who didn't, Cossetta's is an amazing Italian Restaurant and Market in St. Paul. It remains today a destination meal stop whenever there's a High School State Championship at the Xcel Energy Center (previously the St. Paul Civic Center). The state's high school hockey tourney is synonymous with grabbing a slice of pizza or an Italian Sausage, and consuming it in a highly entertaining destination eatery before or after your team hits the ice.

As many great memories as I have from Cossetta's (I just took my parents and kids there three weeks ago), I'm saddened to hear their request to be omitted from the "living wage" law St. Paul enforces on any business that receives a $100,000 subsidy from the city. Cossetta's, as part of a ten million dollar expansion, is asking for a 1.6 million dollar loan from the city, and at the same time asking the city to give them a waiver on paying a "living wage," deemed at $10.16 an hour. Cossetta's insists it pays the "living wage" for most (not all) of their full time employees, and this request is mainly to do with the part time employees receiving the $10.16 rate, but Cossetta's hasn't actually released what it pays it's employees, and doesn't have to until after the vote on granting the waiver. I'm for local business expansion, and frankly, I love Cossetta's, but this waiver request seems unnecessary, mean-spirited and against everything an institution like Cossetta's stands for.

Cossetta's is a busy place. I mean a real busy place. At any given lunch or dinner rush, it can take you 20 minutes to find a place to sit down in either their upstairs or downstairs seating areas, as residents slap down $4+ for a slice of delicious pizza or even more for one of their salads or entrees. This demand shows a need for expansion, but it also shows they are making a lot of money. I understand the finances of a restaurant are usually feast or famine, but places barely making payroll aren't looking at buying premium downtown property adjacent to their establishment, nor fulfilling a multi million dollar expansion ensuring Cossetta's legacy for decades to come.

It would seem from the outside that Cossetta's has enough business to pay all employees a "living wage," but I know many who'd criticize me for trying to make business decisions for a private entity. I'm not the one asking for tax payer help. Cossetta's is the one asking for 1.6 million dollars in St. Paul taxpayer money for expansion. Although I don't live in St. Paul, it sure does become of interest to the people of St. Paul when a business says 'we need the taxpayers to help pay for our future, but we shouldn't have to pay some of those same taxpayers a livable wage.' Some will insist forcing a business to pay a 'living wage" will only push businesses out of the city and into the suburbs. If Cossetta's is foolish enough to even entertain that idea, taxpayers shouldn't loan them the money. They could leave tomorrow and their would be an all out war by every major restaurant in the Twin Cities, and nation wide, to gobble up the prime property Cossetta's rests upon. Cossetta's needs St. Paul more than St. Paul needs them.

There is also this modern vilification about paying people a "living wage." Why shouldn't we require all businesses to pay a livable wage to their full time and part time employees? We have become a country where our lowest wage earners are openly treated as a lowest common commodity, where, even though many of us can't fathom how a person working for $8 an hour can pay their bills and live somewhat of a happy life, we have purged the emotion from such considerations and treat these human beings as a column on a spreadsheet. To Cossetta's credit, they do offer health benefits and have a 401K match (although it's not clear if the match is for all employees or just full time workers), but shouldn't part time workers, many of whom have second and third jobs, be worthy of the same quality, hourly pay rate? Their doing the same job as the full time employees, but less valued by the employer.

Which brings up what I feel is the real hypocrisy of Cossetta's request for the waiver. This is a restaurant who's legacy and decor is comprised of hundreds of pictures celebrating the Italian immigrant story. The story where a person coming to America can get a job, earn enough money to set some aside so that one day they can open their own business, and with hard work and determination become a landmark within their community. The Italians, as well as many of the immigrants of the 19th and early 20th century ran into many hurdles designed to prevent them from succeeding, but the lessons learned of these immigrating peoples were the lessons we used to draw up the fair labor practices that are supposed to protect the working class today, the same working class this waiver will directly hurt.

I've always liked Cossetta's, but if this waiver is passed, it might be awhile before I travel to St. Paul to visit them. Maybe after their remodeling, when the waiver (if granted) is lifted, I might be able to sit at one of their tables, enjoy a slice of their pizza, and look into the eyes of the first generation Italians whose photos add color to the place, and not feel a tremendous amount of guilt.

The Worst Hotel EVER!

So, due to illness my weekend plans had to be changed at the last minute. I decided to go to Duluth and I heard from a friend that there was a hotel and water park combo. Making the call, I was able to reserve the last room available for the Saturday night. We had just had a very stressful visit to a local water park so I had some very pointed questions for the reservationist; Did park passes come with the reservations? (yes) Was there lockers in the water park with locks? (Yes to lockers but no locks) Could we bring our own locks and use them? (You bet!)

We arrived at 4 PM (the earliest we were told we could check in) to find a very busy lobby. After I waited 25 minutes, I finally got to the counter. I was first informed that our hotel room was not in the hotel where the water park was, but rather in the hotel down the street a block, not connected to the water park. We were told there was a shuttle that ran between the two hotels so there was only a minor inconvenience. The counter person then handed me our park passes, but they were one short. Even though the reservation person had asked the number of people staying in the room, they never informed me that only a certain amount of park passes came with each room, so I ended up shilling over an additional $17 for another park pass (this on top of a very expensive hotel room, and I was not happy.

We drove over to our hotel and was immediately concerned about the safety of the car. My theory was that my five year old minivan wasn't going to be the first choice of your standard thief so I risked it. We went up to our room, and although it wasn't the worst room I'd ever rented, it wasn't very nice and the level of dust showed this room had probably not been rented in awhile. We quickly decided to change into our swimsuits under our clothes for the 25 degree trip over to the water park and burn out the kids for the evening. My wife called to the front lobby to find out the size of the lockers and was told 18 X 6 (?) and indeed if we brought our own locks, we could safely secure our stuff.

The water park was swarming with out of control 8 to 13 year olds, most with no parental supervision at all. We went to the locker rooms and immediately discovered the lockers were much larger than described to us, and could not be locked regardless of whether we brought our own locks or not. Since I had some valuables, and I was pissed off for being lied too, I left my family and went upstairs to complain. While I waited to speak to the manager, I overheard another guest complaining about the state of their room (blood all over the bathroom and seriously soiled sheets [!]) and how they were leaving. I got to the counter and explained to the manager that I was very upset about the fact that A) even though they knew the number of members to my party, they never once mentioned there was a limited amount of park passes per room, and B) that we were lied to twice about the ability to secure our stuff in the water park. He apologized, remitted the price for the additional wristband, and secured my valuables behind the counter.

The water park was nothing special. The little kids play area was a big hit with our kids, but the one open pool they had was a tribute to Lord of the Flies, with dodge balls replacing the big rock. We seriously could not even think of putting our kids in there. The meandering river was also a nightmare. Unruly pre teens pushing everyone and everything out of the way to chase each other around while their half drunk parents blindly stared out into space with no concern for their kids behavior (and probably questioning most of their life choices up to that moment). The water slide was fun, and very fast and the line moved fairly quickly. After an hour and a half, we had decided we'd had enough (even the kids were saying can we go now, which coming from kids in a water park is saying something). We retrieved our clothes, changed, got our secure items from the front desk and called the shuttle bus to take us back to our hotel. By the way, the shuttle guy was the only legit employee the entire place had.

We went out to dinner, but the kids were exhausted so we went back to our hotel. The level of volume in the hallways was akin to the howler monkey exhibit at he zoo. The same unruly 8-13 year olds were left alone in their rooms while their parents were getting sloshed someplace. Occasionally you'd hear one parent trying to reign in their children, but those were few and far between. Being we got the last room in the hotel, we were in the very middle of the hall and so regardless of what side of the hotel the kids were in, we heard them. The hotel had one security person coming through but he was too overwhelmed with the amount of out of control kids, and the kids had figured out his pattern and knew when to be quiet and back in their rooms. This went on until around 1 AM. Three times someone tried to get into our room (whether this was by mistake or by intent I won't know for sure) and when at 12:30AM one of the young kids went on a swearing rampage, I almost went into the hall and took care of things myself. I didn't because I knew that the deranged little bastard out in the hall would become an innocent sweet child the minute I grabbed them by the nape of the neck of physically threw him back into his room.

We woke, got changed and cleaned up, and left as fast as possible. Indeed one car in the parking lot had been busted into (newer car) and police were taking the report of one seriously angry dude. I parked outside of the lobby and went in to discover a line of people complaining about various things. One had the phone charges for another room charged to his bosses credit card, something they apparently could not reverse until Tuesday (?), another like myself had had a very unrelaxing evening of unsupervised children running amok in the hotel, and one woman was complaining about the injury that sent her father to the hospital and how the hotel was at fault. Hearing all of these complaints was a cowering 18 year old who had just come on shift and was immediately overtaken by upset customers.

In the car, as we headed for breakfast, my kids said how much fun they had. That smoothed some of the pain, but all in all, the Edgewater Water Park and Hotel in Duluth was the worst hotel I've ever been in.